i have decided to
give in to the parasitic self
my reservations concerning this are
relatively
selfish
relative to what time has already done filling and eroding me
a saturated sponge which leaks, dirty
i think about it and
i let it out
my time is structurally sentenced
bones and stones stacked, a spidery web on which i can rest
finally i can rest
activity is draining me of reasons and support
i let it in and it supports me unexpectedly
i sense a strong skeleton inside the light
a light which he produces with christ-like unawareness
i have lost the ancient battle
the loss is feathery and soft from rotting
i can just feed off the light as it sanitizes my context
i could feed off his love for me
and my love for it hollows me and fills the space with light
a dangerously empty space: i am letting in the parasites
i am sorry
i couldn’t let love in alone
